So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
