All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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