My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
