For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
