The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
