You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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