Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
