he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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