Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My cat gives me a boner
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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