Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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