I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
