the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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