I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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