she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
