eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
