areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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