Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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