You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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