We won't sleep together?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
