apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
