Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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