he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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