I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
