I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
