I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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