Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what day is it and did you see me today?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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