I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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