Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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