Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
