If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
