So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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