people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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