Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
