I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
