Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
