Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Operation Purity has been aborted
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
