I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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