After last night, I could never be a politician.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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