You made me cry and you don't even care
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
