So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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