Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize