his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
