chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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