i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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