If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
