how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
