I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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