I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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