Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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