First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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