Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
