We won't sleep together?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
