but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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