He is an equal opportunity slut.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
