So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
