Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
