I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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