he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
