Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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