help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
