I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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