i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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