Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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