i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
