I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
