please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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