I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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