You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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