Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
