Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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