Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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