have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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