He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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