dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
