you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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