I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
