A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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