I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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