i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
