Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
