Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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