I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
