By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
