Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
