i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
