You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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