she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
